This is only the beginning
Hi! Hello! Welcome! I cannot believe this day has finally arrived. It was a long journey to where I am now, but here we are! It’s been over a year since quarantine became mandatory in New Jersey, and my life had done a complete 180 since then. Last March, I quit my full-time job working at an accounting firm. Office work wasn’t something I was passionate about (surprising, I know!). I wanted to take the time to slow down and focus more on my schooling and my side hustle: selling drugs! No, not the fun kind! I had been working at a local pharmacy for almost four years at this point, and working with my family of coworkers and beloved customers was the only in-person interaction I had for months. While working in health care during this time was emotionally draining and anxiety-provoking, seeing those faces behind those absurd KN95 masks kept me sane through it all. A bit of a paradox, but I am really grateful for our time together and those rare blissful moments during all the chaos.
Despite the bonding experience, my mental health had taken a toll! I struggled with maintaining a regular sleeping cycle, a balanced diet, and any sense of emotion regulation. Let’s just say, if I had three panic attacks a week, I was thriving. Besides being anxious for the obvious reasons, I had ended a relationship with a guy I thought was my soulmate. We had originally broken up in April of 2019 but were on the verge of talking and trying again when (shockingly to no one but myself) he changed his mind. Things got messy, and it was over for good. I know everyone says this, but he was my best friend. That was the hardest part for me. When March came around, I was finally ready to start dating again. I had begun talking to this guy with who I had mutual friends. We stopped talking after about two weeks into the quarantine. I felt stuck. Here I was a 27-year-old woman, single, living with her parents, barely being able to pay the bills working a minimum wage job. I had reached a low point mentally that I hadn’t been in quite a while.
All the talk about life and death, made me realize I hadn’t really lived. I mean, obviously, I am alive, but I had basically been in survival mode skating from day to day. I wanted adventure! I wanted excitement! But I really just wanted to be happy. I wanted to not feel like I was drowning in sadness constantly. I missed out on a lot of life experiences because of my poor mental state, and I didn’t want to miss out on anything else because of it. So I did what any emotionally distraught person would do, impulsively quit my job and leave every sense of familiarity behind. The conversation with my peers went something like this…
Me: “I quit my job, and I’m moving!”
Friend: “OMG! That’s amazing! Where?
Me: “The beach!”
Friend: “OMG! What beach?!”
Me: “No idea!”
Friend: “……???? ……. Well, do you have a job?”
Me: “Nope!”
Friend: ……
As you can imagine, this conversation didn’t go over well with many people, but surprisingly, my stubborn parents were on board. As long as I was able to find a place for a reasonable price, I could use some of my inheritance left by my late grandmother. I had also saved over $5k to spend on the gross amount of weddings I had in 2020. Seven! I had seven weddings that year and was set to be in two of them! All canceled! Thankfully, this savings and my inheritance was just enough to hold me over until I got my foot off the ground. Now, I just had to find a place! This was the hard part!
I knew I wanted to be out in nature since that’s where I am most out peace. I had seen one too many episodes of 20/20 to ever live in the woods on my own, so the beach it was. I chose the Jersey Shore since it was close enough to home and where I originally went to college. I had a lot of friends in the Monmouth County area, and since the weather was still summertime we could easily see each other at a safe distance. The problem was it was SUMMERTIME! Everything was ridiculously expensive! I’m talking 3K for one week in a run-down one-bedroom 2 miles away from the beach expensive! Dear Lord, I could go to Italy for that much; although, I wouldn’t dare go to Italy right now (sorry Italy!). After scouring Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, Airbnb, and even contacting my real estate guru friend, Santini, I had come up with zilch. Even though the prices at Airbnb were the worst of all of them, I felt the need to check the website again. Sure enough, there was a tiny house less than a block away from the beach for $1,300 a month. It seemed like a God-wink! Keansburg, New Jersey here I come!
I had been living in Monmouth County when I went to Monmouth University, so I knew the area pretty well. I had never Keansburg, but it was only an hour away from my parent’s home which was a huge win. When I asked my friend if she had ever been there, she said, “Oh yeah, I know Keansburg. A lot of my clients live there.” She works with drug addicts. Thanks for your comforting sentiment, Alyssa! It was too late, I had rented the space and was ready to go. On Friday, August 21, 2020, I quit the pharmacy and was ready to embark on a new journey.
While I could write a book on my time here, I have spent the last six months healing and finally accepting myself fully. I took the time to research everything mental health and neuroscience-related. I used the same implemented the same theories I had to learn in college prior to this experience.