ON A SErious Note…

Hi all! It’s been a minute—or maybe three years—but I’m back, baby!

The last couple of years have been wild, and I have plenty of material to share and plenty to catch you up on. For now, here’s what you need to know: I’m no longer writing just for millennial and Gen Z women. I’m writing for anyone who feels clinically insane… or maybe actually is.

Because my target audience now includes both men and women from their teens to their forties, my comedic voice is shifting. I’m studying and practicing to perfect it—reading books by comedians and humor writers, watching stand-up, and experimenting with new styles.

Since I’m still in the middle of that process, this passion project doesn’t have a set start date. I’ve added posts from four to five years ago (well, the ones I like anyway) and will be adding new blog posts when I’m ready. But this is no longer just a blog.

I have many ideas for where to take this, but I’m starting small. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself. Right now, I’m taking it one day at a time. If it grows into something bigger, great—if not, it will remain part of my self-care routine. Writing comedy has truly become a passion and one of my biggest coping skills when life goes off course.

I hope you’re enjoying your summer, and I’ll see you soon!

If you need me, want to get involved, or just want to say hi, my email is always open: avamarvel@freakinmental.org.

Lots of Love,

Ava Marvel

This is only the beginning

Hi! Hello! Welcome! I cannot believe this day has finally arrived. It was a long journey to where I am now, but here we are! It’s been over a year since quarantine became mandatory in New Jersey, and my life had done a complete 180 since then. Last March, I quit my full-time job working at an accounting firm. Office work wasn’t something I was passionate about (surprising, I know!). I wanted to take the time to slow down and focus more on my schooling and my side hustle: selling drugs! No, not the fun kind! I had been working at a local pharmacy for almost four years at this point, and working with my family of coworkers and beloved customers was the only in-person interaction I had for months. While working in health care during this time was emotionally draining and anxiety-provoking, seeing those faces behind those absurd KN95 masks kept me sane through it all. A bit of a paradox, but I am really grateful for our time together and those rare blissful moments during all the chaos.

Despite the bonding experience, my mental health had taken a toll! I struggled with maintaining a regular sleeping cycle, a balanced diet, and any sense of emotion regulation. Let’s just say, if I had three panic attacks a week, I was thriving. Besides being anxious for the obvious reasons, I had ended a relationship with a guy I thought was my soulmate. We had originally broken up in April of 2019 but were on the verge of talking and trying again when (shockingly to no one but myself) he changed his mind. Things got messy, and it was over for good. I know everyone says this, but he was my best friend. That was the hardest part for me. When March came around, I was finally ready to start dating again. I had begun talking to this guy with who I had mutual friends. We stopped talking after about two weeks into the quarantine. I felt stuck. Here I was a 27-year-old woman, single, living with her parents, barely being able to pay the bills working a minimum wage job. I had reached a low point mentally that I hadn’t been in quite a while.

All the talk about life and death, made me realize I hadn’t really lived. I mean, obviously, I am alive, but I had basically been in survival mode skating from day to day. I wanted adventure! I wanted excitement! But I really just wanted to be happy. I wanted to not feel like I was drowning in sadness constantly. I missed out on a lot of life experiences because of my poor mental state, and I didn’t want to miss out on anything else because of it. So I did what any emotionally distraught person would do, impulsively quit my job and leave every sense of familiarity behind. The conversation with my peers went something like this…

• Me: “I quit my job, and I’m moving!”

• Friend: “OMG! That’s amazing! Where?

• Me: “The beach!”

• Friend: “OMG! What beach?!”

• Me: “No idea!”

• Friend: “……???? ……. Well, do you have a job?”

• Me: “Nope!”

• Friend: ……

As you can imagine, this conversation didn’t go over well with many people, but surprisingly, my stubborn parents were on board. As long as I was able to find a place for a reasonable price, I could use some of my inheritance left by my late grandmother. I had also saved over $5k to spend on the gross amount of weddings I had in 2020. Seven! I had seven weddings that year and was set to be in two of them! All canceled! Thankfully, this savings and my inheritance was just enough to hold me over until I got my foot off the ground. Now, I just had to find a place! This was the hard part!

I knew I wanted to be out in nature since that’s where I am most out peace. I had seen one too many episodes of 20/20 to ever live in the woods on my own, so the beach it was. I chose the Jersey Shore since it was close enough to home and where I originally went to college. I had a lot of friends in the Monmouth County area, and since the weather was still summertime we could easily see each other at a safe distance. The problem was it was SUMMERTIME! Everything was ridiculously expensive! I’m talking 3K for one week in a run-down one-bedroom 2 miles away from the beach expensive! Dear Lord, I could go to Italy for that much; although, I wouldn’t dare go to Italy right now (sorry Italy!). After scouring Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, Airbnb, and even contacting my real estate guru friend, Santini, I had come up with zilch. Even though the prices at Airbnb were the worst of all of them, I felt the need to check the website again. Sure enough, there was a tiny house less than a block away from the beach for $1,300 a month. It seemed like a God-wink! Keansburg, New Jersey here I come!

I had been living in Monmouth County when I went to Monmouth University, so I knew the area pretty well. I had never Keansburg, but it was only an hour away from my parent’s home which was a huge win. When I asked my friend if she had ever been there, she said, “Oh yeah, I know Keansburg. A lot of my clients live there.” She works with drug addicts. Thanks for your comforting sentiment, Alyssa! It was too late, I had rented the space and was ready to go. On Friday, August 21, 2020, I quit the pharmacy and was ready to embark on a new journey.

While I could write a book on my time here, I have spent the last six months healing and finally accepting myself fully. I took the time to research everything mental health and neuroscience-related. I used the same implemented the same theories I had to learn in college prior to this experience.

29

Tomorrow is my last birthday in my 20s! Holy shiznit! Where has the time gone? It seems like only yesterday I was arguing with my friends about which Spice Girl I was. (If you are reading this, Amanda, it’s crystal clear I was Baby Spice!!!) #sorrynotsorry

While planning a funeral for my youth, I am reminded of a time when I was planning my actual funeral. Twenty-nine was never an age I thought I would live to see. Without getting too personal, I spent my teens and early 20s in and out of psych wards looking for a way out without taking myself out. Trauma has struck my life to the core, and the safety I had once felt had been taken away from me. Somehow, I was on survival mode without the will to survive.

My first attempt came just three days shy of my 17th birthday. While most of my friends would celebrating theirs with a driver’s license, I celebrated mine eating cupcakes in misery’s company, surrounded by strangers, many of whom were too young even to hit puberty. Still, many of these adolescents had experienced more pain than most adults would in their lifetime. They were struggling with addiction, eating disorders, self-harm, suicidality, and a lost childhood. It was the first time I had really understood what it’s like not to feel alone. You see, even though it was only 12 years ago, mental health was not spoken of. Some of my family and friends from childhood still don’t know why I missed finals week that year. I personally didn’t know anyone who had been to a psych ward before. The word alone sounded terrifying to me. I was expecting something straight out of Girl, Interrupted. White padded walls, screaming coming from the rooms, chains clinging from restraining another violent outburst, and the cold, clamminess that made hospitals extra eerie. In reality, we wore regular clothes, spent most of our days in therapy, and played Uno one too many times. I’m certainly not trying to sugarcoat it, but it’s no horror film to paint a picture of those struggling.

I am a firm believer that everything in my life has happened for a reason (please don’t tell other people struggling this, though). I believe God’s most powerful lesson in my life has been teaching me about the beauty of pain. It has caused me to grow stronger, love harder, and see the power of empathy. So today, I want to celebrate by sharing 29 beautiful thing that have been given to me with those 12 years of living.

1.    The gift of streaming services. This one is self-explanatory. As a person who is terrible with time management, this truly has become the best thing since sliced bread.

2.    Getting invited backstage by one of my celebrity crushes! This one still gets me. It was straight out of a Wattpad fan fiction.

3.    Hannah Montana revealing her true identity.

4.    The birth of all my baby cousins (some of which are now preteens!)

5.    Discovering Harry Styles for the first time. Enough said.

6.    Seeing Harry Styles front row. Enough said.

7.    Joining a sorority for my last semester at Monmouth but creating friendships that have lasted eight years.

8.    A stadium of people going bananas singing “Friday” at a Katy Perry Concert. Partying. Partying yeah!

9.    Falling in love for the first time as an adult with my best friend.

10. Getting my heartbroken for the first time as an adult by my best friend, only to discover who I am again.

11. Harry Potter coming to a close.

12. Telling my grandmother how much I love her one last time.

13. Taylor Swift’s Red album. That album alone brought me back to life.

14. Getting my sweet cat, Nala, after one of my friends found her outside her college dorm.

15. Watching same-sex couples from all over the US getting married legally for the first time.

16. Saturday nights watching documentaries on MLMs with my childhood best friends.

17. Leo finally getting his Oscar! You go, Glen Coco!

18. Seeing the breathtaking sunsets on the Colorado Rockies for the first time.

19. Sending daily memes as a form of communication

20. Rebuilding my relationship with my family

21. The hot mess that was Fire Festival

22. Zoom parties and virtual karaoke nights

23. Having multiple 4.0 semesters after failing out of college for my mental illness

24. Celebrating everyone’s 21st birthday in AC

25. Reclaiming my power and my voice during the #MeToo movement

26. SNL coming back to life because of Trump’s Presidency

27. Impulsively moving down the shore in the middle of a pandemic

28. Going viral for dming Channing Tatum “U up?”

29. Learning to love myself for who I am, flaws and all

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again if there is one thing I have learned in all these years, it’s how resilient we are as human beings. Life won’t always bring us happiness. Sometimes there will be a strong downpour that floods us with emotions. No end in sight. Only when we embrace the storm and learn to dance in the rain will the clouds shift and form a rainbow.

Life is messy, chaotic, and downright exhausting at times, but boy is it beautiful. You should be here to see it. It won’t always be easy, but it will always be worth it. Wishing you all my love and light!

Self Care

    Self care seems the be the magic word these days in the world of mental health. Everyone is swearing by taking the time to live your best life. Celebrities from Elizabeth Banks, Kourtney Kardashian, Camila Cabello, Dwayne Johnson, and my lord and savior First Lady, Michelle Obama, have shared the difference some me-time has on their overall wellbeing. *insert “I deserve this meme” here* Setting aside time to prioritize yourself regularly can completely change your overall wellbeing. Truthfully speaking here, the more I dive into the world of mental health, the more obvious it becomes that it is a systemic problem rather than an individual one. People are often impacted through the uncontrollable: genetics, family history, socioeconomic status, trauma, etc. For this reason, it’s pivotal we all prioritize the mental as much as we prioritize the physical. Self care also referred to as coping skills and self-soothe, is the easiest and most beneficial for everyone to use.

What is Self Care?

       The word self care is defined exactly how it sounds, taking care of yourself. This isn’t just making your skin shine bright like a diamond, as my girl RiRi would put it. It’s about taking actionable steps taking care of yourself that will benefit you in the long run, and making it enjoyable for yourself. So yes, I’m saying eating three dozen Oreos while binge-watching 10 hours of the new Bachelorette season is NOT self care. While this sure as hell sounds like a baller time, it’s not going to do anything for you in the long run.

            The beautiful thing about self care is that it’s easily personalized and customizable to your liking. Most mental health techniques are pretty cut and dry. Self care, however, is whatever fits your fancy. Joe Schmo’s self care routine might be going for a run while listening to the latest episode of NPR before an important work call. For Karen, it might be taking a long bubble bath after trying her very best the manager fired from HomeGoods. Judas might cook himself an organic raw vegan meal to supplement out all the drugs he did at Burning Man. (It’s called balance people!) Ashley might go pumpkin picking with girlfriends to make up for the fact that her boyfriend is now banging her mom. Steve might binge watch World War II documentaries to make up for the fact that he didn’t get in on doge coin when Kyle told him to. Okay, you get the point. Everyone has different ways the cope with the ups and downs of life. It doesn’t have to be meditation, fitness, and skincare. Pick something that is enjoyable and pays in the long run.

Facts About Self Care

1.    A regular self care routine can help you manage stress easier, lower your risk to illness, increase productivity, and improve energy levels.

2.    Self care increases your self awareness and self confidence. Finding leisurely activities you enjoy and understanding what makes you happy makes you feel good about yourself. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?

3.    Self care should be done on a regular basis to create optimal benefits. Just like cooking a meal once doesn’t make you Guy Fieri. It takes regular practice and a whole lot of bleach and hair gel to become the face of high-end diner cuisine. Same with self care. You need to practice it regularly to feel the effects of it.

4.    Self care can be done with others or by yourself. For many, happiness is strongest when it’s shared. It may be more fun to take a hot yoga class with a girlfriend rather than doing it alone in your bedroom.

5.    Self care doesn’t have to take long. It can be five minutes or five hours. It could be simply watching cat TikTok in your car to calm your nerves before a job interview. Not like I’ve done this before or anything‚Ķ

6.    Self care is not a cure for mental illness. While it will certainly improve your mental wellbeing, it’s not a magic pill. That’s what Prozac is for.

7.    Self care doesn’t have to cost anything. I mean if you can afford a 10 day trip to a five star resort, definitely do that over a gratitude exercise. Just make sure to pack me in your suitcase.

8.    Self care should be enjoyable AND have long term benefits. As much as I love to kick my feet up and eat a pint of ice cream, it’s not good in the long term. Shout out to my homies Ben and Jerry though for coming in clutch on cheat days.

So you get the picture here. You can’t go wrong taking time for yourself. You don’t need to over complicate it either. If running makes you happy, go for a run. If reading makes you happy, read a book. If dancing around and throwing yourself an absolute ragger to Hannah Montana’s complete discovery, do that. Just make sure your Spotify is on private.

The Problem with the self Help Industry

I’ve decided to start a new thread about all the internet trends I despise and trust me, there are a LOT of them. Weirdly enough, my focal point today is the self-help industry. If you know me, you know I basically am paying Brene Brown’s mortgage at this point. I have spent the last few years diving into self-help books trying to find answers on being the “best version of myself.” It is because of this obsession that I have seen the toxicity of advice pushed down our throats. Some of it is harmful, some glorified common sense, and some contradictory. I find a need to call it out.

I know I am not alone in buying into this. Millennials had the self-help industry skyrocket over the last few years. In 2016, anything the whole personal development sphere was estimated to be $9.9 billion. By 2022, it’s estimated to reach $13.2 billion. A huge factor could be the overwhelming about of boredom we all experienced during quarantine. People decided to focus on bettering themselves instead of other recreational activities. I mean, how many f*ing puzzles of cats can one truly do before they start throwing the whole box against the wall……(Seven. The answer is 7 cat puzzles before you start throwing them everywhere. Not that I know from personal experience or anything.)

Although millennials are the number one purchasers of personal development books, the primary audience is anyone needing a quick fix to their misery. You know, like your neighbor Linda. She’s that stay-at-home mom straight out of the Stepford wives whose house is scattered with tacky inspiration quotes from Target. In her free time, she likes to manipulate her friends into joining a pyramid scheme and brag about how her 8-year-old got a B+ on his spelling quiz. (If you grew up in white suburbia, you either know this woman, have a mom who is this woman, or are this woman.) She wants a more exciting life than badmouthing the soccer mom who forgot the dang oranges and instigating Facebook fights with strangers on the internet.

She needs a drastic change. So, what does she do? Take up a new hobby? Go backpacking through Europe? File for divorce on her husband of 15 years? Join the Church of Scientology? Nope! Instead, she decides to sell her soul to Rachel Hollis.

Rachel Hollis is one of the most well-known self-help gurus. She is a mommy blogger turned author. Her book Girl Wash Your Face was on the New York Times Best Seller for over 46 weeks! It was such a massive successful her husband even started writing books and has since become the poster child for MLMs everywhere. Hollis is just one of the reasons the self help industry is so problematic.

8 Reasons Why The Self Help Industry Should Be Read at Your Own Discretion

1.    There is no quick fix to changing your life – Self-help books are not cookbooks. You can’t Rachel Ray this and whip up something you’ve been craving in 30 minutes. To change or break a habit, repetition is necessary. Through daily repetition, you can rewire your brain to create lasting and impactful changes in your life. Start small and then continue to progress. Results will take time but be worth the effort.

2.    No one has all the answers to living life – No one has the magic formula for living life. The best way to learn about life is by experiencing it. With that, you will become more resilient in handling the ups and downs of life. I think it’s also important to note here that no one has lived your life but you. What worked for one person doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to work for you.

3.    Positive Thinking is BS – Life is gonna suck sometimes. You are going to feel a whole range of emotions, but emotions are necessary. When you think, you heal. (Wow! Someone put that on a throw pillow. Joanna Gaines, I am coming for you!) If you are upset, your coworker ate the thanksgiving turkey sandwich your sister made, you be upset about it.

4.    Happiness isn’t a destination; it’s in the present moment – No matter how rich, skinny, famous, snatched you look, it will not make life any more enjoyable for you. And, no matter if you are working your dream job or living in a van down by the river (if you get this reference, let’s be friends!), it’s not going to make you “happy.” If you want to be happy, try to stay present and see the beauty in the current moment. This could be the smell of the air after it rained, laughing with your best friends, driving around listening to your favorite songs. Happiness is more so in the simplicity of life than the outcome of achieving your goals.

5.    Giving your best every day will cause you to burn out – it’s almost impossible to give your best every. single. day. Some days you won’t be motivated to get off the couch, and that’s okay. You don’t need to spin, write your book, work overtime hours or study every day. Take a breather. Go down that freezer aisle and get that ice cream that’s on sale and watch that true-crime documentary.

6.    Working hard won’t always get you what you want – Failure is inevitable for all of us at one point or another. Sometimes, no matter how hard you work towards a goal, whether a promotion or swimming in the Olympics, your effort won’t meet your expectations. There may be no participation trophies here, but you still deserve to pat yourself on the back for trying. There are usually several other factors that go into being successful: talent, privilege, networks, education, experience, finances, AND hard work all play a part. We can’t all Elon Musk our way to success here.

7.    Following your passion doesn’t mean you’ll make money off it. –If nothing gets you off more than carving pictures in soap bars like you’ve been in the penitentiary for the last 18 years, and that’s what you decide to do for a living, don’t count on making millions. We can’t all be artists, writers, soap carvers. Sometimes we need to be the boring CPA, so we can afford to continue our passions. Sometimes passions are just hobbies. If it lights you up, that’s all that really matters.

8.    Growth isn’t a steady incline – I’ve said this before, and I’ll repeat it. Growth isn’t always uphill. Sometimes your growth chart looks like a 2-year-old just went ham with the crayons on the paper. It’s through being adaptable through the chaos where you will thrive.

While the self-help industry can be beneficial at times, it’s important to note that a 2-day seminar or a 300-hundred-page book will not alter your life. You have to change it! It’s going to be difficult, but I promise you it’s worth it. Make sure you are doing self-care during this time to take care of your mental wellbeing. You got it, dude!

Journaling

If you asked me two years ago if I liked to journal in my free time, I probably would have laughed in your face and told you I had enough writing in high school and college to make never want to pick up a pen and paper again. No, but seriously! Why on earth would I want to scribble on a page my emotional feelings when I could sit on the couch (eating ice cream, of course) watching reruns of Bob’s Burgers instead? Why would I ever write about how I felt when I could suppress my emotions watching Tina get her twerk on at the school dance time instead? (Ask me how many times I’ve seen this episode, I dare you!) It didn’t make sense to me……until I tried it!!!

            Today, this is my ABSOLUTE go-to, favorite skill to use! I started doing it consistently and was able to become more in tune with my emotions. I even ended up loving it so much that I started writing poetry regularly and some stupid mental health blog you’ve probably never heard of. I’ve recommended it to almost every single one of my friends in a crisis, and now YOU!!!

Upset because you and your best friend got into a huge fight? Write about it! Devastated you didn’t get that dream job you interviewed and worked so hard for? Write about it! Furious because your boyfriend liked yet another bikini-clad girl’s picture when you told him it makes you feel insecure? Write about it …..and then yell at him! Anxious because you are #2095 in line for the Jonas Brothers reunion tour? Write about it! Distraught over Kim and Kayne West getting divorced?! Like how the hell is Kylie going to get Yeezy shoes for free now?! Write about it! Okay, you get the point! No matter your current state of mind, you can always grab a pen and paper to work it out.

Why You Need to Start: The Benefits of Journaling

Journaling comes with so many benefits, especially for mental health! Here are just a few ways journaling is the life-changing technique to improve your mental health:

• Increases happiness/ mood

• Relieves stress

• Builds self-esteem

• Alleviates your emotions

• Tracks your days, emotions, and healing progress

• Heightens your awareness

• Organizes your inner thoughts and feelings

• Gets to the heart of the problem

• Makes it easier to make decisions

• Recognize and comprehend negative thought patterns and triggers

• Connects to your unconscious mind

• Set and track goals for your mental health

• Strengthens your emotional intelligence

And if that isn’t enough for you, studies have shown it even improves your immune system!  According to a study done at UC Berkley, researcher volunteers who were given the task to journal every day about their daily lives and trauma for two months were had higher antibodies than those who didn’t. Sayyy What??!! Corona Virus who? (I’m kidding! Get your shot, kids!)

Tips to Start Journaling for Mental Health

So how do you start, you ask?! It’s easy!! First, you’ll need a pen/ pencil and paper. If those aren’t available to you at the moment, feel free to use your notes app, Google Drive, Microsoft Word, or any other program you might have for writing in digital form. If you are feeling like a maniac, you can use colored pens, emojis, and even doodle to have fun with it.

Allow a Safe Space for Your Writing

Probably the most important skill is creating a judgment-free zone for your emotions to spill on the pages. Often when we judge our emotions too harshly, we end up suppressing them. The whole point of this exercise is to allow yourself to overflow. Be that mentos and coke explosion you were always mental to be, girlfriend! Get everything out, no matter how ludicrous, so that it doesn’t rise to the surface at the wrong time. You will feel so much better!

Start With Journal Prompts!

If you are a newbie, I highly suggest using journal prompts to get the juices flowing! Some will be fun, some will be surprising, and some will drive you into emotional overload. Pick whatever journal prompts you feel called to that day. How to find them, you ask?! There are tons of ways. There are apps available like Reflectly and Jour, which give you daily prompts for reflection and self-care. You can also buy journals with premade prompts from Target, Amazon, and Marshalls! Or we can go to our good ol’ friend google. Just type in “journal prompts,” and there are literally hundreds and thousands of websites that will give you great ideas.

P.S. If you want to support the blog, feel free to check out our Instagram, where I will be posting weekly journal prompts (and you better believe they are gonna be good)! *shameless plug*

If You Don’t Know Where to Start, Just Do It! *Insert Shia Labeouf meme here*

If, for whatever reason, you don’t have access to find journal prompts, have no fear! You can write about your day, things you’re grateful for, the emotions your feeling, or you can just start writing. I’ve even started with “I don’t know what to write about” 30 times in a row until something pops up in my mind. If you are in a heated moment where you are overwhelmed by emotions, I recommend waiting until you feel more composed. Journaling will bring those emotions back to the surface.

Set A Timer

When you are just starting, it’s a good idea to set a timer. Set it for about 15-20 minutes, and don’t stop until you hear it go off. This is a great trick if you aren’t used to writing freely. Once you get the hang of things, you won’t be able to stop. Soon you’ll be writing and hysterically sobbing, remembering grandma told you Santa wasn’t real and your childhood came to an end without realizing your three hours late for work! I mean, if that doesn’t make you want to grab a pen and paper right now, I don’t know what will.

Repeat Daily!

Last, but certainly not least, repeat daily. For best results, do this every day. I suggest doing it around the same time whether that be morning, noon, or night for you. If you’re feeling crazy do it morning and night!

I promise you if you stick with it, you will see massive results in your mental wellbeing, and hey, you might even lower your blood pressure. What more could you ask for?!